Here we are.
I don’t know how we got here, honestly.
This is *SO* flipping cliche but it feels, truly, as if 2018 were a blur. But you know what’s also stupidly cliche [and stupidly true]?– time flies when you’re having fun. I feel funny typing that, because it seems as if the past 2-3 months have been anything *but* fun.
…But that’s only 2-3 months out of a whopping, pretty exciting and joyful 12. Gotta give myself a break. (-:
I’m here, I’m alive, I’m functioning, I’m showing up, I’m getting shit done. What more can I ask for?
So here we go (:
read/reading // I just had to do one of these posts today PARTLY because I was blessed–straight up BLESSED!!– with new reading in the mail today from a dear friend who lives a coast away from me:
Gmorning, Gnight! Little Pep Talks for Me & You by Lin Manuel Miranda, illustrated by Jonny Sun
I haven’t had the time to read much else, but I will say I’m jumping right back into what I think is probably my fave book ever:
The Productivity Project by Chris Bailey.
It’s awesome because all of his writing is converging SO HARD with my life right now and the path I’m trying to choose.
Annnnnnnd I’m trying to get my hands on this beauty, because I was only able to read snippets from it on a fall retreat this year:
The Power of Love by Bishop Michael Curry
writing // here! And writing letters. Much needed, much overdue letters.
learning // to be alone with myself, and to practice self care. There was a point in time where I realized I just was not taking any breaks for just myself– even things I found I was doing because I enjoyed them felt tied to other people, and I’ve struggled a lot with simply being. It’s something that’s just going to take time and I have to be willing to work the wait.
doing / working on // Things! Projects! Life changes! In this respect, my heart is full. I’m so thankful.
- self-care, god dammit.
- re-aligning, reducing, ans re-designing my life [more on this when I can gather myself back at school… I’m excited!!]
- a hunger initiative at my university’s campus ministry
- a print/digital campaign for the aforementioned item
- my portfolio! ^_^
- Graphic design for potential clients…? 😁
- raising funds for my STUDY ABROAD IN IRELAND THIS YEAR!! 😁😁😁🎉🍀
eating // still poorly! But I’m also in transition between being home and being at school so… whatcha gonna do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve basically got my shopping list set up for me when I do return, however. It’s gonna include less processed stuff, and more healthy ingredients! watch this space.
drinking// coffee, trying to drink more water, milk, and the uh, occasional pomegranate martini ^_^
listening // …to lots! I think I’m obsessed….
being inspired// by some stuff. Particularly these words from Cleo Wade’s book, Heart Talk:
laughing // at the fact that in the past 3 weeks, 3 different people have asked me if I’ve looked into going to seminary/joining the priesthood. I don’t quite know whether I should be flattered or concerned. LOL. I personally think that I don’t have the patience, nor do I have the true calling, but my priest at school pointed out that she didn’t think she had those things either…. and that God kept putting the thought in front of her… hmm ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also laughing just thinking about the evening I spent on the floor of my living room with my roommates, as we re-watched a series of videos I recorded on my camera on the infamous Night We Found Out We Had Bedbugs. Man, I love my roomies so much.
thinking // about my financial responsibility. I hate that it keeps creeping into every facet of my life, but I am in a hard spot right now and I’ve never been more concerned about my financial life up until this moment. I’m trying to do what I can, and I realize *so hard* that it is essential to improve things and alter habits and fix my mindset and stay motivated to do so… I’ve also always had trouble asking for help, and even accepting, in some cases. I don’t like being indebted to people, and I certainly don’t like drawing more attention to myself than necessary. So it’s kind of an awkward time right now. But if this year has taught me anything about love, gratitude, strength, and resilience, it’s that anything can happen, there is faith to be had, and with determination, hard work, a bit of luck and lots of prayer, things have the potential to unfold in a way that I will most certainly grow from.
trying // to remain self-assured in a world that passes so much judgement on the external, the material, the facade, and the feed.
I’m also just trying to stay positive, learn to forgive myself, look past things, try to separate people from behaviors, and learn from all of the above.
hoping // that I’ll be able to make enough for school this semester. Time to get creative, and probably hunker down and get them private loans!
loving // my people!! They really are my support systems.
And my work. It gave me light and a renewed understanding and reminder of why I love what I love. It’s slow right now because I’m on break, but I can’t wait to get back into it.
Annnnd I guess I’ll begrudgingly say I am loving the time off [sorry I’m a person who has trouble sitting still and having peace but I’ve gotten to kind of chill a lot and it’s nice.] ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
….And this weather!! Omg today it was 64 degrees outside in DECEMBER and I spent it on a series of introspective walks. So lovely.
praying // for 2019 to be a thoughtful, mindful adventure in which I gracefully grow into the change I am faced with.
Thank you for blessing me with everything up to now. Every rough patch, every hardship, every time something hasn’t turned out to my design.
Thank you for the people you have strategically sprinkled into my life, they are gifts and treasures and have shown me so many things about the world and about myself.
Please grant me patience, understanding, focus, motivation, and the discipline to move forward with the changes I wish to install within my lifestyle.
Please grant me forgiveness, so that I may ultimately find healing.
Please also grant me peace this Christmas, the ability to slow down for these next few days and truly take everything in.
I pray also for the strength to keep barreling onward, for resilience, for clarity, and lastly, for kindness.