november.

I just got done with Thanksgiving break.

I also haven’t done this in sUCH a long time. Oof.

To be truthful, it was a bit of a broken break. Broken in a sense that it didn’t feel like Thanksgiving for some moments.  It’s hard to think about all of the blessings that surround us every single day when one or two bits of darkness seem to stick out like a sore thumb above all of it. But. Being around family and having time away definitely gives way to lots of pondering and deeper understanding. About myself, about others, and about what lies in front of me. So I’m thankful for all of that time, for the people I got to share it with, especially.

read/reading // ugh I need to start reading againnnnnn this Christmas I just want like 2 books I can immerse myself in. But here’s what I’m working on:

White Noise by Don DeLillo

WANT TO READ: Hyperfocus by Chris Bailey

writing // here. On the pages that house my heart and who I am, physical and digital.  It’s been dead for quite awhile but you know what? It’s such a fundamental part of who I am and I don’t think I can neglect that anymore. Writing for me cleanses my soul and inspires fires within me that I had thought to be put out. So here we are, and I think, I’ll stick around for awhile, free of chains, free of filters, free of constant bombarding judgement (because isn’t that what social media is nowadays?)

learning // the value of patience. The value of honesty, the value of just falling right back into a hypothetical/metaphorical comfortable armchair after a long day like “you know what? This is me, take it or leave it, I’m gonna just sit here and watch TV/do my crossword until y’all decide to figure things out.” Hypothetical/metaphorical TV. Hypothetical/metaphorical crossword.

doing / working on // damn, a lot of things! In this respect, my heart is full. I’m so thankful.

  • a hunger initiative at my university’s campus ministry
  • a print/digital campaign for the aforementioned item
  • a scrapbook baby book for a friend of a friend
  • my portfolio! ^_^
  • self-care
  • power moves! And DAMN November has been full of them (partially because I deemed it “powermovember”. Ha.)
    • I cut my hair, I got rid of stuff, I cleaned my room, I bought a new dress, I drove home to vote (LOL cuz I lost my absentee ballot), I went camping under the stars, I re-learned the ukulele, identified a new favorite craft beer, among other things (:

eating // terribly. My diet sucks. I temporarily suck. I’m trying to use an app called “Eat This Much” to aid in my meal planning and to get back on track nutritionally. It’s odd because, when your life feels like it’s falling apart, I feel like diet and exercise (for me, at least) are the first things to go, when in REALITY they need to be the first things to stay. Oof. #mondaytruths

drinking// coffee/lattes, adult juice, water.

listening // …to a whole host of things.

laughing // with the people I care about. It’s bad because my first impulse to write on this line was “hardly ever”. I don’t really remember the last time I ugly-laughed, and I would like to change that. Sometimes, joy is something you have to curate for yourself, but I also want to take time to try to see the immediate joy around me.

thinking // about everything that has, can, and will go wrong. I consider myself to be a pretty positive person so this… doesn’t look good on me. I never used to have trouble sleeping but it seems like this fall is quite the exception. All those memes that depict someone lying still but their brain going crazy/dancing/doing weird shit is pretty accurate.

trying // to stay positive. To hold onto love. Specifically love for myself, love for others.  Specifically love for those who do some really questionable and hurtful things.  I need to choose love, no matter how hard it may be. Because it’s in the hardest love that comes understanding.

hoping // that I can just get through these last few weeks leading up to finals. It’s such a busy time and I am low-key counting my stars that I’m not going to piss off someone close to me because I have so much going on. It’s time to hunker down and take care of business, and I need to remind myself of that. It’s odd, sometimes, the timing of things. There’s so much to take in right here and right now– before I left for Thanksgiving break I was told I was accepted to study abroad in Ireland, and while it’s surreal and crazy to think about right now, I can only think about the joy that will come this summer amidst all of the things that have come into play in my life right now.

loving // my people. My support systems. My work. All of it is converging in a way that I never thought it would, nor expected it would, and I just have to say it’s something I need to hold onto.

praying // Dear God, please grant me patience, understanding, focus, the motivation to sit my ass down, look at the sticky dark in front of me, handle it accordingly, maybe put it in a box and stick it away for a while.  I pray also for the strength to keep barreling onward, for resilience, for clarity, for kindness.

thoughts on this post

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