I had around 114 days for myself this summer.
That’s 2,736 hours.
2,736 hours divided amongst sleeping, working, combating racing thoughts, sulking, compulsively switching between one distraction after another, hiding, and asking myself why more times than I can count.
2,736 hours shelled out for thinking, praying, reading, writing, feeling, showering, connecting, creating, laughing, driving, cleaning, juggling time, sunburning, rejoicing in the small joys of the day, and *learning*.
I think about how much piled up angst I had *cringe*, the lack of patience and inability to see direction that I started out with this summer. I just wanted to get out and leave and shake off every inconvenience that had dirtied my hands in those 2,736 hours.
It wasn’t until the last 2 weeks before I headed back to school, those 336 hours, on my hands and knees in practically every room of my house partaking in a massive family-team cleaning spree that I realized I had squandered some of those precious minutes, that a lot of what my heart was chasing was disguised as something else, that I still could be blessed with the powers of healing and reconciliation, that I could be graced with the opportunity to learn from opposition.
I felt as if this summer were a revelation for me. A waterfall of revelations, actually, even in the darkest corners.
There were friendly surprises (that at times, were literal friend people), and odd (yet curiously encouraging) circumstances.
There were moments encapsulated by the living beauty of where I spent my growing up, from sunrise to sunset and under the stars, racing past with the windows down.
There was a lot of joy.
I really can’t fit into one post just how much I learned about myself this summer, how much I got reacquainted with the things I love, or just how much I surprised myself with spurts of determination and the courage to try new things.
Next thing I know, I’m waking up in a room that is mine, homemade by my sweat, handyman skills (lol so many screws), and the odd obsession with the color #59c69f–all with the realization that the bliss of summer succumbs yet again tomorrow to a morning that starts it all at 9am.
I feel heavy, satiated.
But I feel ready, thanks to the gift of this summer.