// losing *power*

I tried to do work.

But my work involves a computer and the internet and so when the whole house exhaled with that depressing bzzhhhhuurrr sound that mainly only happens in the movies when a monster is on the loose or something, I was a bit disappointed.

But it was fine.

Being cut off from all that, I sat down with myself and realized “……oh wow.”

I had recently watched a video from one of my favourite vloggers/YouTubers and this one really spoke to me.

Financially? I feel stressed because the one paying my tuition/bills/etc. is me, myself and I. I’ve worked 2 jobs in addition to going to school full time to help offset this, and will be continuing to do so, adding on a TA position this fall. We’ll see how this goes. I’m also

Mentally? I feel exhausted, because I know there’s only so many hours in the day and sometimes I just spend them on the wrong things, or doing something the hard way when there’s an easier way that I didn’t see coming. This blog series has also [not gonna lie] started to cause me stress, as I felt pressure to kind of document *e v a r y t h i n g* and I know that that’s just not realistic. [In case you’ve noticed I’ve removed the day counts from the post titles and such– dream big, then realistically downsize, right?]

Physically? Oh lordy I’m so behind. I think it’s been 2 weeks since I last worked out, my eating habits may have hit rock bottom, and I haven’t been sleeping as well as I should be, I know for sure. I should probably shower after I finish this post.

BUT ANYWAYS.

What I set out to say is that the lack of power gave me a bit of quiet time. I looked at what’s flowing in [and what’s flooding out *sob*] and then sat down to try to make a realistic budget. This also included me obtaining two new *pretty awesome* financial apps, one is called PocketGuard and the other is Mint. Between trying to scrape up funds for the summer and tuition ALL in the midst of a new [used] car hunt, it’s been driving me crazy. But it was a really good time to just sit down and think on this for a bit, a nice bit of a reality check.

Later, I went on a bit of an outing with one of my friends here and she had a bunch of clothes and stuff that she didn’t need anymore, so we took it to the local Plato’s Closet with hopes to sell it to the store. I love and hate that store. I love it because it’s such a cute selection of clothes at EXTREMELY discounted prices. I hate it also because…it’s such a cute selection of clothes at extremely discounted prices and I could do some serious damage. Luckily, they had a sale going, buy one dress get one for $1 and I walked out of there with 4 dress/things for under $20. A STEAL. It really is one of my guilty pleasures. >.<

But it also made me realize that I honestly will never buy new clothes [for the most part, anyways.] Thrifting for me is so much more fun, at a fraction of the price.

A lot of the grievances against include statements like: “ew, but that’s someone’s old clothes. They’ve like, worn that before,” the disdain oozing out through their words like the clothing is diseased.

People, I own a washer and a drying machine for a reason.

But anyways.

That being said, between scoring this awesome deal [hopefully not completely nullifying my budget in one fell swoop] and taking the time to reflect upon everything, I was able to kind of re-gain that lost power. For me, I know it has to be in my head. The positivity, the hope, the willpower– I have to be mentally psyched to move forward, and I hope I can continue to do so.

xx

2 thoughts on “// losing *power*

  1. Pingback: //re-boot: how to be *actually* productive | strictly stephanie

  2. Pingback: hello, june | strictly stephanie

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