This is my view right now.
As I was walking back to my dorm I saw all of the soon-to-be graduates taking graduate pictures in the golden sunlight in their white flowing dresses on the quad and in front of all of the keystone/important buildings on campus.
I saw the giant stacks of event chairs lined up near the cobblestone walk ready to be pulled out and unfolded for commencement.
The sun is shining (well, it’s setting *sadly!* as I write this) and it’s 78 degrees.
I plopped down here on my blanket with my backpack in an effort to get some studying done but I can’t seem to focus. Instead of two-way prepositions, relativ saetze, and konjunktiv II my thoughts toss around concepts of the future, when and how my grad pictures will happen, and the mere fact that I am, essentially, one of those balls atop a Plinko board, with the potential to fall in any direction but no real idea as to which slot of pegs I’ll come tumbling out of.
Which, in itself, is quite an ominous thought.
And then I thought about how, in three days, I will be finished with my first year of college. I was reading just not that long ago that a 7-year-old’s perception of time is wickedly different than a teen’s perception/young adult’s, due to the endless scheduling and tasks coming due and less time for play and beautiful mundane. It’s cliche to say that time has flown and yet–
All of the past months, I feel like, have been a blur and only when I’m looking at records of conversation and camera rolls can I somehow get an idea of where the time went. People have come and gone, visited and stayed, huddled in and let go.
It’s also a soothing reminder, of sorts. Those days when you think “I can’t do this, I have no idea what I’m doing, there’s no way”, Those days are limited to 24 hours and then there’s a reset button– and you pick up and start over and push on and smooth over.
It’s also a bit of a wake up call. Do you ever wish that you could just clone your more experienced self and send it back to your struggling self to have as a friend?
If I could carbon copy myself now and send my copy in time to my first few weeks here (or even to my senior year in high school!) (but Lord help me I would annoy the hell out of myself) I would see that the carbon copy has come such a long way, has fought through what seemed to be impossible, has conquered things that, to the original copy, were beyond all thought, action, and dream.
So as I sit here, floating between revelation and responsibility (nervousness hasn’t really set in and my first final is tomorrow at 8am) I’m honestly just so thankful for all of the things this year has taught me– about the world, about my life, and about myself.
What has this year taught you? …And how excited are you to embrace summer?