It hit me today on a failed attempt at going for a run
That I do not really have any sense of order in my life.
And I know it’s probably because it’s summer, and things are free and go with the flow and spontaneous and meant to be enjoyed… But sometimes I miss having a regimen.
Maybe the reason I’ve started to like running is because it’s basically become a daily habit… (Well, minus this past week because I’ve been in FL getting fat off of awesome food, lol) and, despite my spontaneous moods and random ambitions, I like order. Like the inner OCD in me is protruding from my mind and wants to fit everything neatly into a box, a schedule, a logical string of feeling.
Maybe it’s because I feel like I’ve been hanging lost in midair recently– I’m in non-student limbo, even though that’ll be over soon.
Tonight I did something I haven’t in a long time– I just sat in my bed and listened to old country music that brings me back to my middle school years (albeit awkward, were very music-oriented.) and it surprised me how much I remember, lyrics that have been stored away for years because I’ve been in a bubble where country music isn’t cool, where I’ve been thrust into new music, where I’ve tried to bury old aspects from that time in my life.
So basically, I am just strolling down memory lane right now, and figuring out how I can get back into a manageable groove, all while figuring out what’s missing and what I can do to put it back where it belongs.