*dun dun duuuuuuuun*
I’ll keep this post short– I don’t really know what’s gonna happen. And I don’t really know what I expect, other than I wanna finish college and be financially stable, and probably get married…
And this brief rambling up here reminds me of a passage I read yesterday on the beach out of Paper Towns
by John Green:
“Did you know that for pretty much the entire history of the human species, the average life span was less than thirty years? You could count on ten years or so of real adulthood, right? There was no planning for retirement, There was no planning for a career. There was no planning. No time for plannning. No time for a future. But then the life spans started getting longer, and people started having more and more future. And now life has become the future. Every moment of your life is lived for the future–you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.” ~Margo, Paper Towns
And it occurred to me, when I read that… That she’s so right. It’s honestly an endless cycle, and I think so many people just waste time being so focused on all of that… Being stressed about all of that… Being anxious about all that.
And I’m gonna be completely honest.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. I wish I had a little statue on my shoulder that would tell me what lies ahead so I could plan accordingly, but I don’t. (Sadly.) Instead, I have a vague outline that will probably be drawn over time and time again.
And I’m okay with that.
Later on in the book a character references Emily Dickinson’s poem “Forever– is composed of nows”, and I read into this further, and found a wise analysis:
“The future is only an idea; when we reach it, it is the present. Time is not composed of past, present, and future. It is composed of now, and now, and now. We have memories of the past and imaginings about the future, but we only ever experience now.”
~Ivan M. Granger
And they’re so right.
If the future–and forever– is made of “nows”… Why are we spending so much time looking forward, when we really should be looking in our immediate surroundings? I mean, sure, let’s not be oblivious to the future, and let’s not be all “well I have no plan for my life” (which, after a long day at work and all you wanna do is binge watch Netflix, is tempting at times..). Rather, we have to analyze and be fully present where we are now in order to even see where the hell we’re headed.