No More Limping

Not gonna lie

I limped through this past semester
I limped through homework 
I limped through months of line memorization. 
I limped through my relationship. 
Life’s only so much fun on crutches 
It’s more fun walking unassisted 
It’s about time I walked unassisted…
I was recently thinking about a disease that’s been spreading throughout high schools across the nation. You may have heard of “senioritis”, in fact.  
My English teacher hates that phrase, and I don’t blame her. 
But I’m torn in half– I cannot count the number of times I’ve said to myself “I’m in college, I don’t need to be here anymore, what am I still doing here I want to screw all of this and go home and sleep and eat sugar”. 
…but then I don’t want my personal ambitions (or grades) to die on the vine either. 
My physics teacher told our class today that just because we’re near the end we shouldn’t give up, because “high school will look like kindergarten compared to college”. 
She went to school in Romania and attended college in Canada on lots of scholarships, so for her, it was probably a bit challenging and there was a ton of pressure. And I want to agree with her and not give up but when I look at some of the work my friends in community college are doing and scoff at it it makes me wonder… How different will it be?
The weeks are slowly inching by and before I know it I’ll be walking a stage and holding a rolled up piece of paper then hugging family then packing the car with all I think I will need to live away from home for 4 years. 
And I just realize sometimes that I don’t want to limp through that. 
I want to walk uninhibited through it. 
So even though I complain about getting up out of bed and reveal that no, I didn’t read all 37 pages in a chapter in a book last night that I was supposed to… 
I’m trying to get better, to finish strong despite a contagious apathy… Because I don’t wanna look back and think “meh, I could have done that better…”
Things I think about at 1:47 AM on a school night…

Mind Explosion

This is one of those times when I just wanna write down everything in my head
And roll it up into one inspiring mess of text
And just throw it out there
And be proud of it
But today is not that day
I’ll just leave it at the fact that so much has happened since I was last here…
And changes are drastic
and happen too fast sometimes
but they’re also exhilarating…
Did I mention I committed to my college of choice?
And that I don’t care what people say about that said choice anymore?
Because it’s not their future, it’s mine?
it happened
Oh and I met up with my future room mate for the first time in person in Disney world
By crazy random happenstance
She’s so great
I’ve learned a ton about myself
Oh and I’m acting in a show a week from now (stress ends soon!)
And I want to make blog posts more frequent
And shorter
Like this one
It seems a mess and random and far to fluid for paper
but there’s so much clarity you don’t even know
It’s a long weekend, thank god
I need to memorize my lines still
I broke my phone on Thursday
Thank god my new one gets here Sunday
I needed to upgrade before college anyways
Though I’m not gonna lie I’m a bit saddened/surprised/perplexed about how one can be so
Obsessed sometimes with a hunk of metal
Why do they run our lives, anyways?
Probably cuz we let them
Because we think they’re helping us live our lives
when in reality
all we need is a 30 minute long conversation with our best friends late at night in our driveways.
I need some sleep.
Until next time,